Pro vs. Con

There are upsides to cancer, believe it or not.
There is even humor, albeit gallowish. Halloween offered me a chance to be the best Mr. Clean EVER and I could do a mid-evening switch to Sinead O'Connor.
Showers took about 5 minutes without any hair.
And best of all, no having to think up little white lies for things I want to get out of :

"Nope, sorry, I can't pick you up at the airport (which is practically in Kansas) , I have cancer"
"Super sorry I can't make it to your 4th g-damned baby shower, I have cancer"
"What?! Pass the salt?! I have cancer, for God's sake, get it yourself!"

And then there was the visit to the Psychic Expo when I was first diagnosed to see if I could flush out the charlatans. But upon arrival, I got a little weirded out by the karmic repercussions and couldn't go through with it.

There was the crystal clear view of what I think is important in life-which of course has been tempered with the passage of time and the harsh reality of financial burdens. I was a kinder, gentler person for while- or just completely exhausted and on really good narcotics.

There are the truly amazing people I met who were on the same awful journey. Thank God, Buddha, Yahweh, whatever is right, for them.

The downside, other than facing one's own mortality and the utter Hell that is chemotherapy, is the sadness and pain it caused my family, friends and loved ones. And for that reason, I will not
be cluing them into my little blog. They have been through enough and want to believe that I am fine and all is well. They should have that.

Being the source of their sadness was an added burden and I ended up worrying about them worrying about me. The day I was to go in to discuss my biopsy, my oldest friend came with me. When the Dr. told me I had cancer, I told her she had to call my Mother. You see, my oldest sister had passed away 2 years prior of cancer and I simply could not be the person who broke her heart again.
Cancer totally sucks.